Why Is This Happening To Me?

My sister one time told me that when she was in the hospital with her daughter she said Tehillim while crying so that her daughter should get better. She asked me why Hashem would allow a baby that did not do anything wrong be in so much pain. She started to question if her prayers were answered. She also told me that it might have been her fault that her child is so sick. She told me that when her last child was born, she prayed that her next baby would take bottles sooner rather then later and this caused Hashem to curse her baby that it would be allergic to breast milk and only drink from bottles. A family friend of hers told her that she should have not made an Ayin Hara.
To break it down into question form: Can what I say harm me even if I do not mean it? And no matter how much I prayed and cried my baby was still in such bad condition why were my prayers not answered?


Can what I say harm me even if I do not mean it?
Sorry, but everything deep needs a lot of introduction. The michtav meliyahu writes on the concept of a pur (from the word purim-lottery) that there is no such thing as coincidence. If you use a pur to predict the future it would actually guide you. Furthermore, he explains that Haman knew that it will not work with someone that is closed minded (they only want one answer). When you seek a specific answer Hashem will let you see what you want. “In the way you chooses to go G-d will lead you” that is why Haman used a middle man to cast the pur. [The problem with that was that the middle man also hated the Jews so it didn’t work anyways.]

We can use this to help us understand all the superstition and ayin hara stuff that’s always floating around. If one believes in it, Hashem will use it as one of his methods of running that persons world. Remember that every detail in our life is orchestrated directly by Hashem. For example, if you make decisions on which house to buy by using a pur, Hashem will make it that you end up getting the house you deserve. On the other hand if you do not use the pur but instead use “scientifically proven methods to proper house buying” if Hashem wants you will end up with the same house. But again you have to not be biased or you just get what you think you want.

The point is not whether or not we should be using a pur. The point is Hashem runs your personal world with the methods you believe in. If you believe that luck is the reason for sickness and health, then it is. I personally believe that one should use the system of sin and punishment versus deed and reward. Do not be so superstitious and it will not affect you. This means no more horoscopes, jewelry with good luck charms or old wives’ tales.

One last thing about this question: obviously Hashem will never do anything bad to a person if they do not deserve it, so the concept of Al tiftach peh lasoton (don’t open your mouth to Satan) only will work if you deserve it anyways.

The next two questions have very similar themes so ill answer them together.
Why would Hashem allow a baby that did not do anything wrong be in so much pain? Why are a mother’s prayers not answered? The answer is simple, Hashem accounts for everything from the beginning of time till the end. He knows what is pure and exactly what needs to be done. All prayers are heard and the gates of tears are never closed.

The answer was never the issue; it’s the question that is the issue. In other words the way we perceive what is going on around us is what’s important. Trust in Hashem and never trust yourself. The baby did not suffer as much as the mother. In ten years ask the child if s/he had a painful day before s/he was three. The response would obviously be that the child doesn’t remember. The mother on the other hand will remember every detail for the rest of her life. Who suffered more? Also, we are not to judge what is good for us and what is bad. A lesson learned, a test passed, a cleansing had can be worth the pain sometimes. Just imagine if a baby was given a choice: be in the hospital now for a year or when you’re about to get engaged. Sometimes the punishment is a must for whatever reason Hashem has. Better we take it when Hashem decides rather then push it off to when we think it might be better. If we would understand this world on the level of Hashem we will obviously make the same exact decisions. Just trust that everything is for the best no matter how it seems.